Wednesday, December 30, 2009

90's vs. 00's

Happy New Year’s everyone!! Wow, I really had to force that one. Maybe I’m not very enthused because this New Year’s is kinda, well, blah. Yeah it’s the end of the decade, but maybe I’m not buying it because the excitement of Y2K is so fresh in my mind. Partying like it was 1999 was NOT just a song…it was a state of mind. The 90’s rocked – and not just in a flannel wearing kind of way. I’ll just toss out a few highlights – you can take them or you can throw them right back, but you’ll probably take them, lean back in your chair, stroke your chin, and say something to the effect of “those were the good ol’ days.” Well, you’re 25, stop saying that crap, you haven’t been alive long enough.



I’m going to put past debates behind me and say that all of the shows featured on TGIF were awesome. While it make have started in 1988, hear me out. The fame and fortune of TGIF (which actually means Thank Goodness it’s Funny – you can use that as your fun party fact now), was realized in the 90’s. Shows like Step by Step, Family Matters, Full House, and Boy Meets World all graced the line-up. Enter Debbie Downer 2000’s and you get crap like Two Guys and a Girl (about as hard to watch as two girls one cup), Norm and *poof *that’s the end of TGIF.


SNICK formed me as an adult. It is because of SNICK that I won’t watch scary movies (I still have nightmares from Are You Afraid of the Dark), it is because of SNICK that I have a huge obsession with those hats with the giant flower on the front (thank you Clarissa), and it is because of SNICK that I have a recurring dream that I can turn into silvery liquid. Again, here comes 2000 and you’re stuck with The Amanda Show (she’s about as funny as that one time John emceed a funeral) and the un-funny version of All That (sans Kenan and Kel).



Ok, some would say that it really started in the 80’s, but it was in full swing by the early 90’s. Being from Seattle, I have to mention this game-changing genre of music. This was bigger than Kurt Cobaine, although even on his way out he still was trying to make it all about him. It was about flannel, not washing your hair, and saying really inappropriate things like “rape me,” and having it be ok because you’re just trying to be alternative. Rape me 90s…rape me.

Girl Power and Boy Bands

I don’t care what you say, somewhere deep down you either like N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, or Spice Girls – maybe all four – which is perfectly ok if you ask me. It made parting your hair down the middle cool for boys and being kinda dyke-ish as long as you’re skinny and wear tight track pants ok for girls. Those are contributions that will never be forgotten.



I saw Titanic 8 times in the theater. Now, movies weren’t $15 like they are now, but that was still some serious money for a 7th grader. That movie can make a grown lumberjack who hunts baby deer and then laughs when the mommy deer comes to find her baby decapitated cry. Also, the Titanic was so long, how long you say? It was so long it took up TWO VHS tapes!

Forrest Gump

This is definitely in my top 5 – and if you have a friend named Jenny, Dan or you like boxes of chocolates I guarantee you’ve benefited from this movie. Similarly if you have a friend named Forrest you’ve probably told him to run even when it didn’t make sense, but not many people know someone named Forrest. Unless you went to Santa Clara…then you’re thinking of Forrest right now and I’ll bet you thought of a story that made you giggle.

Al Gore Invents the Internet

Do you love facebook? Do you love reading our blog? Well let's pretend the 90's never happened - these things would be as impossible. Yeah, we might be smarter because we would actually retain information instead of just always saying - f it, I'll just google it, but think of the things we're capable of now thanks to the internet! For example, John wouldn't be able to browse Craigslist's erotic services for his Saturday night dates. Do do do do do do - do (Mario theme).

2000’s lowlights

9/11 – you’re not cringing because I went too far; you’re cringing because that is on record as the worst day ever. Thanks a lot 2000’s. Is that what I should call it? 2000’s? I still don’t actually know. Maybe it should be 00’s, or single digit years, or double O’s…you make me feel so stupid Oh-Oh’s!





Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s breakup.


Wow – come to think of it, I’m really excited for this New Year’s. That means all that crap is behind us. This is where I could get really emotional about how Obama is the hope on the horizon, but I don’t want to sound too trendy. Well John, I hope this New Year’s you stick to your resolution of gaining the weight and KEEPING it on, and I hope you find the strength to quit Mountain Dew. Oh, and I hope you close your eyes to zero in on your midnight kiss and it actually turns out to be a porcupine. An ugly porcupine.

I hope everyone had a Wonderful Christmas.!

Lisa. I hope yours was adequate.

Yes I do hate Lisa more than Borat hates Gypsies. I know what you are thinking- a Borat reference now?? Well its in the end of the decade so this battle will be chock full of pop culture references from the 2000-2009, Your mom goes college!

Lisa we don’t along; its just a fact of nature. We are like Snooki and The Situation, Chinese Gymnasts and legitimate birth certificates, White Tigers and Roy, or Napster and Metallica. (you forgot about Napster huh? You know who didn’t? Skeet Ulrich.)

The 1990’s vs 2000’s

I know that the 2000’s on the surface may not seem like a clear cut winner. Two recessions, one 9/11, one Katrina, and two Wars looks terrible. But let me work it, I put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it. Lets see this decade as half full as Octomom saw her uterus.

Lisa you are going to fold just like Enron…or Lehman Brothers….or…or Circuit City….actually- maybe economy jokes are still too soon.

The Case for 2000’s

I AM Somebody!

This was the decade that the first person singular became important. Where regular ole people could tell the world about their thoughts and feelings and their day to day activity. This blog is a perfect example, we write dumb sentences for like the dozen or so people who read this but I know someone in Japan has clicked on this site and found out that I like Zach Morris more than Slater. That’s loco ese. In the 1990’s we didn’t have facebook. How would I know that pirates hate ninjas. Or that according to my little cousin “finals are sucky and parents took away phone FML”??

The 2000’s made us feel important. We supplied the internet with personal information regardless of demand. This ain't reality TV!

IPOD Therefore I am (I take that back)

Have you seen these things? You can fit like thousands of CDs onto them- take that 90s. You’re my boy, Blue!

Barack Obama

The 90s ended with the first black president and the 00’s are ending with first real black president. Take that 90’s: my president is blacker than yours. (Although its close)


The Television in the 2000s destroys 1990s. Sopranos, The Wire, Curb, LOST, Mad Men, Always Sunny, Arrested Development, 30 Rock, The Office – tv was crazy. To give you a frame of reference this decade people wondered who Jacob was- in the 90s people wondered who Wilson from Home Improvement was. Is this real life?

The Case Against the 90’s

Nothing happened. Besides the Dream Team and Clinton Scandal it was a dull 10 years. We got Jordan winning championships and a bunch of cigar jokes- that’s it. At least with 00’s something happened. I need more cowbell!


I mean I like flannel and Doc Martens as much as the next guy but I"ve been to Lilith fair- twice! The 90s need to hang up their JNCOS and No Fear Shirts and enter the future.

Unfortunately for you, Lisa, I have a bunch references from the 2000s that I still want to use, so I thought I would write one closing argument against you to close this decade. Lisa you are like the Justin Guarini to my Kelly Clarkson. You make Omarosa look like Susan Boyle. Your arguments are as effective as the Kyoto Protocol and as real as WMDs. You are a flip flopper who should keep your opinions in a lock box. I am like Ken Jennings and you are like Janet Jackson’s nipple: shamed and exposed. Sometimes when we talk it feels like waterboarding and I secretly hope you choke on your freedom fries.

Who am I kidding, Lisa? You make my heart soar like Falcon Heene.You make me want to jump onto a couch in forced joy. Why can’t I quit you?

Happy New Years Everybody- I hope you Blackout like the Eastern Seaboard on August 14, 2003.

I’m out like the XFL and Boom Goes the Dynamite.

1 comment:

  1. I can remember exactly where I was when this awful decade came into being. Believe it or not, when I rang in the new year on January 1, 2000, I was not only stone-cold sober - I was at church! My then-girlfriend and I attended a special midnight mass at the local Catholic church to welcome in, not only a new decade, but a new century and a new millennium. I remember feeling filled with optimism. By entering this new era, I felt, we could wipe the slate clean. Maybe this would be a new age of peace, love, brother and sisterhood. EVERYBODY SING!

    This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius!
    Age of Aquarius!

    How utterly naive on my part, huh? By year's end, all of that hope was out the window and into the toilet. In December of 2000, an ideologically perverted Supreme Court would assist in a stolen election by stopping the vote count in the state of Florida, installing a corrupt little frat boy with the I.Q. of a half-eaten box of Milk Duds as president of the United States. It was all downhill from that moment on. From the birth of "Reality Television" to the worst attack on American soil since the Civil War, it was quite a strange ten years to say the least. Thankfully this awful decade is a mere three days away from being forever consigned to history's scrap heap. Hallelujah.

    Tom Degan