Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Notorious B.I.G. vs 2Pac

Biggie Biggie Biggie can’t you see, sometimes John just irritates me. Now, if you know John and I, you know that we’re heavy in to gangsta rap. You may also know that I named my dog after one of the best songs of all time (Mo Money Mo Problems). Mo for short. Finally, you know that the feud between John and I rivals the biggest feud in rap of all time. Biggie vs. Tupac. I think I can settle this though…no one has heard my opinion on this yet, but once you do this feud will be put to rest like John after he’s had a drink and a cheeseburger.
Size is everything.
I’m a woman, and I know that giant men make the best lovers AS WELL as the best rappers. When a man is as large as Biggie, you know he’s passionate. He probably gets really passionate about home cookin, pie and greasy food. If he is an ardent food lover, you know he’s gonna be a good rapper.
He is, in fact, still alive.
Ok, do you think it’s just a coincidence that the album that came out 15 days after his death is called Life After Death? No. He’s released 3 albums since his death and they have sold like deep fried Twinkies at a state fair. Biggie is smart…real smart. He knows that great movers and shakers aren’t truly appreciated until after their death. Just like Shakespeare, Beethoven, Mr. Rogers and Billy Mays, Biggie’s art can now be truly appreciated now that he is “dead.” By “dead” I mean he got gastric bypass, bought an island in the Bahamas, and now he’s chillin in a lounge chair with a Pina Colada and size 32 board shorts.
Collaboration with the King
He collaborated with Michael Jackson. Anyone who says that doesn’t put him above Tupac has no respect for the dead. You don’t wanna disrespect dead MJ…believe me.
Accessories are everything
Biggie used a cane. He may have actually needed it after he broke his leg in a car crash, but either way he ROCKED it. That, a badass hat, a cigar, and about 200 extra pounds of body weight made him look cooler than Cory Feldman in a leather jacket.
The Case Against Tupac
First of all, he was a sex offender. No one likes sex offenders, unless it’s MJ, but again don’t disrespect him.
Also, Tupac was shot 5 times and he didn’t die. Then he WHINED about how he thought his record execs knew about it ahead of time and didn’t warn him. Ok, really Tupac. Quit being such a baby.
Also people claim that his killers were tied to the East/West Coast battle, but he died in Las Vegas. Someone hand those retards a map, cuz it’s really not on the East Coast. Idiots.
I’m glad we can all stop talking about this feud now. As for the feud between John and I, that will probably continue until Kirstie Alley actually keeps the weight off.
Love always,
Big Momma (Lisa)

I just want to start off saying that I am glad a girl from Seattle and a boy from Dallas who both went to a mid sized liberal arts university can finally put this debate to bed. You’re welcome hip hope community! If only we could’ve debated this two weeks ago Vibe might have not gone out of business.

Lisa chose Biggie no shock there. She got engaged in NYC and she loves the buffet at New York New York in Vegas- she went with her heart. Unfortunately, Lisa must have forgotten that she was born with the idiot gene. 2Pac destroys B.I.G. This debate is going to be cloudy with a 90 percent chance of fat jokes.

The Case for Tupac.

Longevity. Mr. Pac released 5 albums when he was alive and then died and decided to release 5 more albums plus 10 compilations after his death. Mathematically that seems impossible but Pac did the impossible. How many albums did lazy Buddy Holly release after his death?

2Pac Obama? During the 2008 Presidential Elections we heard the word “Change” a lot (remember 2008?? People had jobs, Billy Mayes was still yelling at us, Gas cost 4 dollars…sigh those were the days huh?) Is it a coincidence that one of 2Pac’s biggest hits is called “Changes”? This journalist and amateur crossbowman says no.

And still I see no changes can't a brother get a little peace

It's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East

Instead of war on poverty they got a war on drugs

so the police can bother me

I am pretty sure Obama started his speech at the Democratic National convention with this line. But America was ready for a Change- in the same song Dr. Pac says “We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh”. Looks like we were ready. Last time I checked my President is black and a little Hawaiian, and some Kansas Methodist – it’s not that race even matters I mean –its what’s on the inside people see- oh no I am talking about race- this is a losing battle. Ummmm look over there is that a funny billboard?? (phew good save, John)

What doesn’t kill him makes him stronger. Tupac was shot 5 times in 1994 and even accused BIG for setting up the hit. Tupac survived thanks to a steady diet of Multi-platinum records and In and Out. Fun fact! Tupac is the only artist ever to have an album at number one on the Billboard 200 while serving a prison sentence. I know what you are thinking but Nelson Mandela’s “My Baby is my Baby” only got up to number 3 on the South African charts.

Death Row Records. Death Row’s line up was staggering collection of talent; 2Pac, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Christian Laettner- that right there could be a Mt Rushmore of Hip Hop. All Biggie had was Puff Daddy and Poppin’ Fresh (Fat jokes!)

The Case Against Biggie.

Osama BIG Laden? Ok I know that’s reference is in poor taste but here is a chilling line from Biggie’s “Juicy”- “Time to get paid- blow up like the World Trade.” B.I.G. died in 1997- I am not saying he knew anything- but did he know something?

Childhood Obesity. All I know it wasn’t an issue until the mid 90s right around the time Biggie was becoming famous. Maybe a role model who glorified obesity should be held accountable? Maybe if ate some Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki subs he would have been the “The Agreeable T.H.I.N.? But he was the inspiration for those Nutty Professor Movies so I should give credit where credits due.

I want to leave you with poem Pac wrote for his good friend Jada Pickett Smith.

u r the omega of my heart

the foundation of my conception of love

when i think of what a black woman should be

its u that i first think of

u will never fully understand

how deeply my heart feels 4 u

i worry that we'll grow apart

and i'll end up losing u

u r my heart in human form

a friend i could never replace

This is the exact opposite of how I feel for that Hosebeast Lisa. Lisa is NOT the Omega of my heart and when I think of what a black woman should be – it is NOT Lisa.

Lisa- I ain't mad at cha. Wait a minute- yes I am

Rat tat tat tat tat that’s the way it is.

Love Always,

1 comment:

  1. All Biggie had was Puffy? Ever heard of Lil' Kim? Biggie & Puffy helped launch Jaz-Z.

    Anyway, the true winner is the underrated Method Man.